Monday Links

garage sale

You’re getting a links post on Monday this week because I spent the entire weekend selling viking hats, lingerie, 80s prom dresses, lava lamps, and blenders that look like bongs at a garage sale with Sarah. We made out like bandits even though we were bombarded by old people who were DOWNRIGHT OFFENDED that we dare sell a barely used $100 item for the obscene price of $2. We’re like in-person Internet scammers! I think I spent the entire weekend drinking beer and eating Doritos, Fritos, and chocolate chip cookies (they were from Whole Foods which means they were healthy).

I’m thinking I need to do link posts every Monday instead of Saturday or Sunday because nobody wants to actually work and be productive on a Monday, right? All I feel like doing is trying to understand why nobody bought my leopard print Snuggie at the sale. Some people just don’t understand the value of nice things.

OK, links!

+ Violence VS. Hair: an analysis of Breaking Bad. Season 5 is finally on Netflix so we’re catching up. Pretty good so far.

+ Give yourself a fucking break.

+ An open apology to all my weight loss clients.

I’m sorry because I made you feel like a failure and so you deliberately left a message after the center had closed, telling me you were quitting. I thought you were awesome and gorgeous, and I’m sorry because I never told you that. I’m sorry because you came in telling me you liked to eat organic and weren’t sure about all the chemicals in the food, and I made up some BS about how it was a “stepping stone.” I’m sorry because many of you had thyroid issues and the LAST thing you should have been doing was eating a gluten-filled, chemically-laden starvation diet. I’m sorry because by the time I stopped working there, I wouldn’t touch that food, yet I still sold it to you.

+ 23 ways your significant other is actually your best friend. YUP.

+ How to kick ass on a daily basis.

+ I’ll try anything once: I went on a date with my cat caller.

+ These tattoos. Whoa.

+ Inside Mississippi’s only abortion clinic.

+ Stop asking yourself questions that keep you stuck.

+ Six of the most common resume flaws, and how to fix them.

+ Anatomy of an absurdly racist Facebook meme. HEY ANNOYINGLY RACIST COUSINS, PLEASE STOP POSTING STUFF LIKE THIS AND THEN SAYING YOU’RE NOT A RACIST.

+ Presented without comment.

+ WHY CAN’T WE JUST STOP KILLING ALL THE BEES?

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4 Responses to Monday Links

  1. Harlynn says:

    Damnnn girl, dem elves be jealous of how sexy that viking hat looks with them ears.
    Wish I could have came by, sounds like an entertaining garage sale.

    P.S. I think I picked out that snuggie for you some Christmas. You butthole, I think.

  2. Sarai says:

    Catching up on Breaking Bad myself, can’t wait for Sunday! I’m on episode 3 now and will be checking out all of these links while I inhale some chocolate chip cookies. /living the dream

  3. Jay says:

    Last time I had a yard sale all of the old people kept lecturing me on how I should be charging more money for my stuff or I’m not going to make any money. Your yard sale looks like it was pretty cool. I wish I lived in the area so I could have gone.

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