My Top 3 Gym Pet Peeves

I feel like “gym pet peeves” is the type of article that has been in every women’s magazine and on every fitness website, and that writing this is pointless because everything has probably already been said somewhere. But then again, isn’t that how everything is on the internet?

First of all, I will say that I love my gym. Some of my favorite things include the chill, positive atmosphere in the weight room, the realization that you can never tell somebody’s strength and athletic levels just by looking at them (it’s crazy to see what some tiny ass people can do!), and the giant firefighter guy who GALLOPS on the treadmill faster than I can run and leg presses more than 1,000 pounds. I think he is a science project.

Now that I got my nice gym notes out of the way, here are the things that grind my gears the most.

1) People who don’t wipe down machines. Listen. I am a person with very uncivilized hygiene standards. Unless I am cooking something or sick, I rarely wash my hands. I really only wash my hands in public when I am with friends or the towel hostess lady is there because I’m probably going to come in the bathroom repeatedly and I am apparently really concerned about what this woman thinks.

HOWEVER, it is downright gnarly to use a machine at the gym and not wipe it down when you are done. I don’t know who you are or what you are sweating out. I do not want to sit in sweat made of the leftover dumplings you ate, or worse, MRSA. And because I am generous, I don’t want you to sit in my MRSA either! I have become the person that wipes down a machine before AND after I use it, which means I probably spend less time working out and more time playing Mary Poppins around the weight room.

2) People who wear perfume. I know westerners have a ridiculous obsession with smelling like cotton candy, vanilla beans, hearts and daggers, or whatever inanimate object your perfume smells like, but here is the problem with that – your rancid armpits will not make me sneeze like your Love’s Baby Soft will. There is nothing worse than getting into a groove on the treadmill only to have someone get on the machine next to you who is loaded with butterfly kisses or Axe body spray. A lot of people have allergic reactions to strong artificial smells and if it’s bad enough, can cause migraines. I know this is hard to believe, but if you take showers and use soap and water on your body, your BO is far less likely to affect someone as much as your perfume. Also, it’s good to stink a little at the gym.

3) Locker room modesty. When I started going to the gym I realized it was the first time since high school that I would be using a locker room. I didn’t realize how awkward it can get in there, mostly because anyone under the age of 65 who takes a shower will go to extreme lengths to make sure all their sex parts are covered with the tiny towel while walking over there. This made me all paranoid about letting it all hang out at first, especially since there are sometimes kids in there and like, is it cool to be naked around kids? I was trying to be civilized by weaseling my underwear up my legs while holding a towel over myself, but then I thought, you know what? IT IS A LOCKER ROOM. WHERE PEOPLE CHANGE AND SHOWER. I don’t care who sees what, and I don’t care if they care that they are seeing it.

I understand that this is another western thing, or maybe just a midwest thing. I also understand that a lot of people have body issues and want to stay covered, but I am willing to bet that body image issues are less prominent in countries where there nudity is less of a big deal. I just… I don’t care if I see your labia. I don’t want to see your labia, and I don’t want to watch you change, but I don’t care if it’s there. Just put a towel down before you sit on anything and we’re cool.

Do you have any gym pet peeves? What am I missing here?

Posted on March 6, 2013
This entry was posted in Fitness and tagged do not wear perfume to the gym please, gym pet peeves, locker room awkwardness, wipe down your fucking gym machine you sicko.